The Ward of Hellsing
by Klarey
Summary: After a failed mission, Integra has decided an orphan named Drake will be her ward. As the four year old learns about Hellsing and what it takes to be it's heir, Alucard starts to think Integra has replaced him with this new addition to Hellsing. AxI!
1. A Friend in Need, is A Friend in Deed

A/N: This is my first Hellsing story. Such an honor this is to be able to write such a thing. I do not ask for mercy, but merely request that you read this and review at the end. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: Neither Hellsing or Hellsing's characters belong to me in any way, shape, or form.

High up in the damp, chilly nighttime sky, flew a lone helicopter with flashing red lights equipped above the axle that held the single rotor. In the fuselage, sat two persons; the pilot and a blonde woman. Both had an at ease appearance, hence the discomfort they felt in their abdomen.

The pilot felt extreme anxiety for the possibility of being late and then begging Sir Hellsing to give him another chance. The woman was feeling uneasiness because her organization had received word that the target FREAK had headed into one of the local Children's Center Orphanages in London and was holding captive ten or more children. Her troops were currently awaiting her orders once she arrived at the scene. Perhaps she could negotiate with the FREAK before any humans were killed?

Lt. Sanders had told Sir Hellsing the exact words of the FREAK when they had contacted her at the manor, "I will give you bastards two hours to get that bitch, Hellsing, down here to London! If not, say goodbye to the orphans!" Sanders also told her that he already tried consulting with the FREAK, but to no avail.

"It's that Hellsing's life for these damned children!"

Hmm…it would seem settling a different deal with the FREAK was no longer an option. Sir Integra Windgates Hellsing looked up from her lap and fumbled with the headphone covering her ears, "Walter." She cleared her throat briefly from its hoarse tone, "Walter, come in."

A second later, the voice of her butler answered, "Yes, Sir Hellsing?"

"I want a file on the orphanage. Find out exactly how many children, adults, and elderly, were there. Then tell me the ratio of those still alive and those dead," Integra waited for a response.

It came shortly after she finished talking, "Right away, Sir Hellsing."

Her butler, Walter C. Dollneaz, was a retired Hellsing Agent who rightly earned his nickname as "Angel of Death." The man once served her now deceased father before moving on to become more like her guardian than her steward and Integra was entirely grateful for his efforts in raising her. The butler was also a handy body guard when times of protection came to and he was only too happy to give an opinion when it came to her most serious of orders.

There was a short fizzling sound on the other end of the line before Walter started talking again, "Sir, it would seem that this was one of the smaller orphanages that held only fifteen children and a couple; the ratio of dead to alive is four seventeenths."

"Three children are dead then," Integra murmured, anger coursing through her veins.

"Anything else?" Walter's voice held a tinge of sadness.

"That'd be all, Integra out," Integra pulled off her head phones slowly, causing her hair to cover her ears again. "Pilot, can this heli go any faster?"

The pilot had a bead of sweat running down his anxious face, "N-no, Sir H-Hellsing! Th-this is as fast as it'll go!"

Integra growled, "Make it go faster or I'll wrench away the rudder from you."

The confused pilot tried all he could to make the helicopter reach their destination to London quicker then it already was.

At the scene of the offense, three large trucks that held Hellsing's Special Forces were parked near the gates of the orphanage. Lt. Sanders was awaiting Integra when the helicopter landed. As usual protocol suggested that you wait for the blades to stop spinning before exiting the aircraft; Integra was already standing in front of Sanders.

"There is no time for pleasantries, Lieutenant," Integra snapped before Sanders could say anything. "Just tell me where the damned being is and I'll settle this," Integra hadn't stopped walking to talk to Sanders.

"Y-yes, Sir Hellsing!" Sanders saluted quickly while keeping his pace with the Iron Maiden, "He is located on the balcony with the children. There is only eight left though; he insisted that he killed a child for every hour that was wasted on waiting for you."

This didn't help the woman's mood any. Once through the gates, the Hellsing's troops came into view and they all saluted the woman. She ignored them as she yanked a megaphone away from one of her men's hands and peered up at the rooftops.

A spotlight had been set up on the ground showing the FREAK's face up on the very top of the two story building. He had a brown Mohawk, the usual red eyes of a vampire, and a nasty grin planted on his wrinkled face.

Integra switched on the megaphone and positioned it directly in front of her mouth, "As per requested, I am here! State your claims so that we can all go back to what we do best!"

The FREAK sneered at her when he held out a small black haired boy and dangled him from the collar of his shirt over the edge of the orphanage, "Hellsing! I want you up here when we place our bargain!" After he finished, he added, "Or else the brat will fall to kingdom come!"

She shut off the megaphone and shoved it into the hands of a random solider before taking off to the orphanage's front doors.

"Sir Hellsing!" She heard Sanders shout after her, but she paid no heed to his words; she neared the top of the stairs she had previously started to scale and soon came upon the door to the roof tops.

The FREAK looked at her expectantly as she stared at him to the same degree with disgust once she had exited the stairs and came upon the roof.

Just in that thrice, she saw his hand unclench slightly and the boy nearly fell to his death.

In Integra's green business suit, she pulled out her Beretta Model 93 R and aimed it at the damned figure in front of her. Her words were cold and were controlled carefully to send him the impression that she was fearless; despite the tight knot in her gut, "Put the boy down, FREAK! There is no way that you can get away without me shooting you and sending you back where you came…"

The FREAK scoffed, "What makes you think that once you shoot me the boy will survive?" Again, his claws loosened around the boy's shirt and the child slipped again.

She paled and slowly lowered her gun, "I'm here…just…let them go."

Again, the FREAK laughed at her, "Not before you take your own life!"

"That is low, even for a FREAK!" Integra had tried to keep her cool, but was starting to panic. In all of her father's sessions, he never told her what to do in a situation such as the one she was in.

"I suppose it was enough for you to even consider death by your own hand," the FREAK countered. "Why don't you stop wasting both of our time and get on with it? Wait…are you scared Miss Hellsing? Are you so selfish to actually consider yourself above this peasant child?" For demonstration of his unsettling terms, he dropped the child.

Integra and the child's face both widened in surprise and fear.

"**_No!_**" screamed Integra as she dove towards the edge; expecting the child to pause in mid fall and wait for her to save him, but the child wasn't in sight.

The FREAK laughed hysterically and grabbed another child, "Seven left, Miss Hellsing! How many will I have to kill, before you find the number of deaths actually worthy for your own demise?"

Integra took a deep breath while she continued to look at the ground from the rooftop, "You are a sick, sick bastard…"

"I'm sorry, but I didn't quite hear you!" shouted the FREAK. The child he held let out a scream in fear when the FREAK walked near the edge; preparing to drop the child.

She looked at the small girl in his hands; so many children that this phony chipped vampire had killed. All for the sake of seeing the Hellsing kill herself.

With pride, Integra stood onto her knees and with no hesitation; loaded the gun and aimed it directly at her head.

"**_Sir Hellsing!_**" came a shout among Hellsing's troops.

Turning her head, she saw Seras Victoria push past Lt. Sanders and scream incoherent words at her.

The Hellsing smiled at her and pulled the trigger.

An inaudible click came from the gun, but not the familiar bang Integra knew. No force pushing her arm away like it did when she perfectly hit the heads of the ghouls.

…Her gun was out of ammo.

"I just…loaded my gun…how…" Integra stumbled for an excuse.

The FREAK was just as confused as Integra. Though, the moment was short lived when a clang echoed throughout the deathly quiet night. Murmurs came from the troops on the ground below the building, but Seras Victoria held no confusion in her voice when she shouted up to her chief, "Sir Integra! The child's safe!"

"The child…?" Integra mumbled, while the temperature seemed to have dropped to zero. A smirk came over her face.

The FREAK glared at her, "What the hell is so funny?"

Just then, another clang reverberated around them. Integra and the FREAK looked down to see two empty bullets roll around in a circle before stopping.

Like the temperature, the night sky instantly turned red with a bright yellow moon. Fanatical laughter went to the extreme when a man with blood red eyes, duster, and hat along with his usual orange sunglasses stepped out from behind Integra. A small breeze blew across the setting, rousing the vampire's pitch black hair to move across his sunglasses and back again to their original place.

His voice boomed around them when he spoke with a tone confused with anger and amusement, "The death of Integra…Windgates…Hellsing will not be preformed to herself by herself!" he added emphasis to her name by taking out his gun, disengaging the safety, loading it with a silver bullet, and taking aim at the FREAK.

"Alu…card…" the FREAK murmured, "Hellsing's pet vampire…Nosferatu…No Life King." He finished, with a fair shiver running down his spine and back up. Vampires, even FREAKs, were supposed to never feel cold or heat. So what was this feeling that he was getting?

Again, Alucard laughed, "So many names for a mere servant of my Master, is it not? Let me ease your memory of such by ending your pitiful existence!" Alucard's index finger begged to squeeze the trigger, but the fright on the FREAKs face was well worth the lingering.

"Alucard," Integra started, but was hastily interrupted by Alucard.

"I will talk to you later about death and who shall be granting yours," he growled frighteningly between his teeth. His eyes flickered briefly to that of the woman's.

"You do not give orders to me, Servant!" Integra bit out, but left nonetheless back down the stairs to rejoin her troops on ground level. Alucard's grin slowly widened until both of his fangs moved over his lower lip.

The FREAK spat salivate as he shouted after the already gone Hellsing, "I'm not finished with you yet!" Though his words were only heard by Alucard; though his words were unheeded by the ancient vampire.

"Set the child down so that you spare us the effort of saving her," Alucard protested with laziness. His finger was just one second away from sending the FREAK to hell and his blood lust was just begging to see this piece of trash kick the bucket.

"Go to Hell!" the FREAK screamed, loosening his hold on the girl in his hands. A small voice in the back of his mind kept telling him to keep the girl with him, for this reason, he just might live to see another night.

"Been there, done that," Alucard said with his fang showing smirk. "As I was saying; put the human infant down."

The FREAK grinned, "Yeah, right…as you wish!" As soon as his hands let go of the orphan, the FREAK was already dead from the Jackal's bullet. Alucard remained placid while he watched the girl fall from the two story structure.

"**_Police Girl!_**" screamed Integra.

Seras knew immediately what she had to do and was already diving through the air to catch the falling girl. With a soft sigh, Seras skidded onto the ground with the human child in her arms. Integra nearly sighed herself, but contained it and looked up at the rooftop. There was no sign of Alucard.

Running past Integra and Seras was Lt. Sanders leading four of Hellsing's agents up to the roof to retrieve the remaining six orphans. Still down in the dirt, Seras Victoria was reassuring the child of her safety.

"Good work, Police Girl," Integra told the strawberry blonde vampire with a surge of pride. Only months ago, the vampire who sat in front her with nonchalant confidence in her skills, had refused blood. Now, she was second best in Hellsing's line of work.

Seras gently hummed to the tired looking child held in her arms, "Thanks, Chief." She continued to coo to the child without missing a beat.

She waited for Seras to stand up before asking her main question, "What happened after the FREAK dropped the boy?"

The vampire hoisted the girl so that she hung around her neck before answering, "Master had caught the boy and set him into the first troop carrier and then went back up onto the roof." Then she added, as if it were an afterthought, "I tried to tell you…"

Integra nodded, "I'll have to remember to listen to my officers more often then."

Seras groaned, "I'd say! What if Alucard wasn't there to unload your gun?" The child giggled at Seras and Seras laughed back. Integra did not reply when she sighted a solider kneeling down on the ground; thinking him injured, Integra approached to find him talking to the black haired boy whom Alucard had saved.

"You were so brave," she heard him say.

There was a sniff and the boy nodded.

The solider went on, "Did you know that only strong men like you and me survive vampire attacks?" The black haired boy's greenish blue eyes went wide and he felt pride flare within himself. A small smile inched onto his face and caused the solider to give himself a mental pat on the back.

"Solider, you know that strong women also survive," stated Integra, who situated herself next to the stooped solider.

Standing up to salute, the officer started to stutter, "O-of cou-course, Sir H-Hellsing!" A faint blush crawled onto his cheeks and he coughed slightly.

Integra waved her hand, "You are dismissed." The solider nodded and left Hellsing's leader and the orphan alone with only the others company. The boy watched him leave before turning his attention onto the blonde haired woman before him.

"Do you have a name?" Integra asked nicely.

The boy seemed to hesitate before answering, "My name's Drake."

"And how old are you, Drake?" she asked.

"Umm," He looked at his fingers, counting, before showing her his fingers and saying it out loud, "four!"

"You're pretty young then," she stated. Drake said nothing and the two were at a peaceful silence when a conclusion came to her mind.

"Tell me Drake, do you have a last name?" Integra knew that most orphans had no last names due to being abandoned at a young age, but this was all going to fit in with her plans.

"Uh, I have a first name…" Drake said with confusion, "Is that like a last name?"

Integra chuckled, "You could say that…"

"Then I do! I do! It's Drake! I'm Drake Drake!" said Drake with childish excitement.

Again, Integra laughed, "How would you like it if I said you could come live with me? Away from the orphanage?"

Drake's eyes narrowed for a moment, "Are you a vampire? Will you take me away and eat me?"

Integra was having a real hard time on not laughing yet again, "No, I'm not a vampire! I'm a human."

Drake smiled, "Okay, Lady! I'll go!"

Integra gave a genuine smile and held out a patient hand for the boy to grasp onto when they began their walk back to her helicopter, "Would you like it if I asked for your permission to be my ward?"

"What's a ward?" Drake asked curiously once he held tightly onto Integra's hand.

"That would mean, you would be like my son," she explained slower than she would have liked; but did so for the sake of his understanding.

"…You'd be my Mommy?" he asked even slower than she had. Integra nodded. Drake seemed to consider this before a wide smile enveloped his face, "Lady is Mommy! Lady is Mommy!" He leapt about her until they reached her helicopter and Lt. Sanders stood at attention before her.

Before he could say what he wanted, he looked down at Drake, "Sir? Is he coming with you?"

"Yes, Lieutenant Sanders. You and your troops may leave once the remains of the FREAK had been distinguished and you notify the caretakers of Oxford's Orphanage that Drake will be my ward. All adoption papers can be sent to the manor," Lt. Sanders nodded and took off back to the orphanage.

Integra helped Drake into the helicopter and made sure that the boy was securely belted into his seat before letting her mind wander.

A certain thought occurred to her and she let a small smile spread upon her face. With Drake as her new ward, that would solve the Queen's insistent threats of hooking her up with one of the Knights of the Round Table's son and forcing them to produce an heir! Though, she had a feeling it wouldn't be as easy as she had thought. There was a reason why she hadn't done this earlier, but she just couldn't seem to remember what it was...

"Hey, Lady?" Drake spoke up.

Integra snapped back into the present and stared back at the boy, "Yes?"

"Should I call you Lady or Mommy?" he asked with a child like innocence.

Integra debated on it, before coming up with the answer that she thought best resembled a real mother's words, "Either is fine with me."

He nodded, "Okay, Lady." Drake turned his head to stare out the window whilst his legs swung back and fourth quickly.

Then again, Drake could also be trouble. Integra had no idea at what a mother should do, should say, or how to comfort him when certain problems arise since her mother had died at the moment of her birth. Suddenly, pain spewed into her lower leg causing Integra to bend forward and grip her leg tightly. Integra glared up at Drake's feet in anger. Drake stopped his feet swinging to gasp and cover a hand over his mouth, "Oops! I'm sorry, Lady!"

Integra grinded her teeth together, "It's alright…"

"Here! Lemme' help! I'll make it all better again!" said Drake and unbuckled his seat belt so quickly, that Integra didn't have time to say anything, but grab and hold onto him tightly.

"You could've gotten hurt if this helicopter unexpectedly turned, Drake!" she scolded and Drake lowered his head making his shoulder length, black hair cover his face.

"I'm sorry…Mommy…"

Integra was surprised with herself. She had never acted before thinking before, so why now? Could that have been a motherly instinct? She had intended that her and Drake's relationship been purely business in the area of heirs, but perhaps in the small amount of time they had known each other, had already developed into…love? "I-it's okay," Integra mumbled back and gave the boy in her arms a small reassuring squeeze.

Another thought came to mind just then and she couldn't help but wonder what Alucard would think about her decision…

Alucard…holy hell…Integra just remembered why she hadn't done this before and realized that she had just signed Drake's death contract. Integra had to bite her lower lip to keep herself from entering one of her temper tantrums she occasionally ran into when Alucard was being a dick or when the Vatican came into town. There was no way that Drake could be Hellsing's heir without having Hellsing's blood in him! She glanced at the happily sleeping boy in her arms. What was she thinking when she asked for his permission to be Hellsing's ward?

At the present time, all Integra could wish for was the best of things until she found a way around the seals of Hellsing that kept Alucard bound to Hellsing blood and only Hellsing blood. If not for Hellsing's, then for her ward's sake.

To Be Continued…

A/N: I'm sorry if the characters seem a little OOC, but please just be patient with me. Also, a little tragedy in this chapter, but I assure you that things will heat up into romance and humor. Thank you!


	2. I Dream of Lady

A/N: Special thanks to darkangel-allways, Safrawr, LunarIce, and crossfire (), as my reviewers for the first chapter; I reward you with Chapter Two!

For the disclaimer, please read chapter one.

Drake, Sir Integra's new ward, was passed out in her arms. His black hair sprawled over the front of Integra's green business suit, giving her a mental image of a sleeping angel…with a black halo. Her thoughts kept on wandering back to the Hellsing bloodline and the trials she'd have to deal with if Drake really was going to be heir of the special vampire hunting organization. An idea came at the same time the helicopter landed in front of the Hellsing manor. This time, Integra did follow the procedure of waiting for the blade to stop rotating before exiting the means of transportation and catching sight of her butler waiting for her return.

He bowed in such a way that an old man would've been complaining about an aching back, but her spunky steward was no such thing. As many times as she had insisted that he retired for good from the Hellsing agency, he had denied them and continued to tend to her every need.

A frown crossed her butler's clammy lips causing a giant wrinkle to form on his forehead, just below his tied back, black hair, "Sir Integra?" He asked with question while his eyebrows knitted together with confusion.

With a gentle shake of her head, she shifted the sleeping boy in her arms and placed a single finger in front of her lips; slowly making a sound that meant silence. Walter bowed again while waiting for Integra to walk into her mansion before shutting the two large, French doors behind her and locking them.

"Walter," Integra began in a low voice, almost in a whisper, "I'd like you to clear out the storage room next door to mine. Have a twin bed, a desk, a lamp, and a few of your own hand picked choices toys that you would recommend for a child at the age of four." The Ice Queen seemed to be melting right before Walter's very eyes, and all he could do was give her a feeble nod before setting off to the task at hand.

Walter had turned a corner and was gone from Integra's sight once she entered her room. It wouldn't matter if her ward slept in her bed for the night, since she was rarely ever to be found sleeping in it. A Hellsing's job was never done as long as vampire's walked the earth, so that called for twenty-four/seven attention to the organization and one such as her didn't have time for sleep; let alone eating and small fifteen minute breaks.

Drake grabbed the bedspread, pulling them up to his chin and enfolding himself tightly into the warm heap of layers with one hand while the other still clung to Integra's own quite firmly.

She gave a small smile of affection at the boy and tried to pry his fingers off of her appendage, one by one, but that was horribly fruitless.

Soon, the thought of a peaceful midnight bonding session between a new mother and her son, was gone with another running along the lines of Integra's imagination stated as, "_Child killed woman during sleep with bone crushing hands!_" Before, if Integra thought it, would've sounded ridiculous, but now she was having a hard time imagining it impossible.

Out of desperation from the moment, Integra almost cried out for her pet vampire to help her, but decided against it when she finally got Drake's index finger pried off and then the middle finger, and so on and so forth. Drake's fingers, once torn off of Integra's hand, curled around his black hair and a soft sigh escaped his lips.

The grown woman frowned down at Drake; now that she thought more about it, the more it became clear that Drake resembled Alucard. She shuddered when she thought that, but his eyes, they resembled that of her great, great, great grandfather Van Helsing. She had to fight back another chill down her spine when the images of a bound Alucard and Van Helsing doing…stuff.

It was probably just a twist of fate, she decided.. Once Integra had left the room to once more spend a sleepless night in her office, Drake had moaned out the name he had decided upon calling his new mother and a slight sweat broke out on his forehead; then he began to frantically kick at his bed sheets.

_The scene was back on the roof that Lady and Drake had left together only hours ago. He was again, minutes away from the quick fall to death. Lady was only feet away and was edging closer and closer to him and the vampire. His bluish green eyes caught sight of her gun held tightly in her unstable hand and her glasses kept slipping down to the bridge of her nose, making her hastily push them back up again._

_Drake tried to cry out to his new mother, but a small squeak came out instead and he had to hastily bite back the hot, singing tears threatening to pour down his face._

_Integra had said something, though it was muffled to his ear, the imitation vampire holding him had seemed to have heard it and threateningly let loose some of his hold on his collar._

_Drake whimpered slightly when Integra shouted another muted word and said another audible sentence. Slowly, her gun became leveled with her head after loading it and fired. She dropped down to the ground instantly and just as quick, the vampire threw Drake along with the rest of his orphan friends._

_Hysterical laughter echoed around them from the vampire and he made his way over to Lady's dead body._

_'Oh, no…' Drake thought to himself and silent tears ran down his cheeks; the other orphans were hushed as well._

_Then, the man in red who had saved Drake had appeared behind the imitation vampire, killed him with ease and did so without taking his eyes once off of Drake. His eyes were blood red, yet he still seemed so familiar to the small orphan in a distant way. The wind blew off his hat and his sunglasses were no where to be found, unlike when Drake first saw the man. Two fangs unfurled themselves from his mouth and stood out plainly among his other teeth in a deep, mocking smile._

_He had personally found this vampire to be very disturbing during their first confrontation and so he had no other way to describe what he felt at the moment the red clad being knelt down in front of him, grabbing his small hand within his large, gloved ones, and whispered, "Be glorious."_

Everything faded away from being a dream to reality when Drake rolled out of bed, screamed, and was panting heavily on the ground.

Integra was a very busy woman, as we all knew very well, and when someone screamed during the middle of the night followed by a loud thump; making her screw up a very important signature and leaping over her desk, stumbling into her room, must have been very important.

Alucard quickly formed into a more human like appearance from the shadows when Integra arrived; a look of bewilderment on his face soon turned into anger when he saw the bed covers pulled off of his master's bed and wrapped around a small boy looking like he just escaped from Millennium.

Instantly, Integra searched for an explanation that would make sense to the vampire, but Alucard had stopped her with a finger.

"I understand," he said with a growl, "you're having sex with small little boys to create a gigantic army full of Alexander Andersons'!" His piercing red eyes looked down at the boy again, before replacing them back upon the puzzled woman in front of him. "Well?" he growled out again, placing his hands onto his hips, "What do you have to say for yourself, Master?"

"I'd have to say that you've gone completely insane to talk about my son in such a way!" Integra snapped while gathering the blankets and Drake back onto the bed; wrapping the blankets around the small boy once she had done so.

Alucard almost fell through the ground when he heard that, "Son?" He stuttered and another look of anger crossed over his face along with a possessive grasp of his hand onto Integra's.

"So you are having sex with other men!"

"What?" Integra started, "I am a virgin, Alucard! And I'm not planning to change that anytime soon!" Then added, "Don't you remember the boy you saved from the mission?"

Alucard looked back down at the boy's innocent looking face, "Maybe," he mumbled.

"Why don't you go back down to that sorry excuse of your final domain and do whatever you do when you're not bothering me? And would you kindly remove your hand, Servant?" Integra said quickly, a faint blush crossing her face when she mentioned the last part.

The vampire withdrew his hand reluctantly, but didn't leave the room, savoring the last words he was going to say to Integra, "So you have a son now? Is he going to be Hellsing's heir, Master? Is he? Because if you think for one moment that I'll ever obey such an insolent little-"

"Alucard, we have a child in the room," Integra snapped quickly.

"…Snot…then you are horribly mistaken," Alucard glowered down at the black haired boy with the green, blue eyes.

Integra sat upon the bed and held Drake against her in a possessive way, "Drake is not a little snot, you blood sucking demon!" Her voice etched with control and anger with a small hint of insult.

Alucard pointed his finger at Integra with his mouth opening to say something, but Drake beat him to it, "Lady told you to leave, so please leave now."

Both Integra and Alucard were taken aback, but there was a small glow of the imprinted star pentagram upon Alucard's glove. The vampire instantly disappeared with a small curse along the way while Integra looked down at the angered looking Drake in her arms, "How?" She started in small amazement.

His anger quickly wilted away and a smile replaced his frown, "How what, Lady?"

"Never mind," Integra mumbled feebly, "Why don't you get back to sleep? I'll wake you tomorrow morning when it's time to start the day, okay?" Drake nodded and comforted himself in his mother's bed, his blue, green eyes shining with anticipation.

"Night, night, Lady!" He said before falling asleep.

"Night," Integra said back, still pondering why Alucard was forced to listen to her new ward. Once she was back into her office, she had called out Alucard's name and the angered vampire had appeared instantly, blubbering out curses and insults directed to the not present Drake. He was cut off with a single lift of Integra's finger, "Do you know what this means?"

"Of course I know what it means!" Alucard retorted back, "The brat's somehow related to you!"

Integra glared daggers at him, "I don't like that tone, Servant."

Alucard almost pathetically apologized, but thought that there was no reason to and went on, "Master! How is it that the boy looks like me?"

"That's what I was wondering," said Integra with thoughtfulness. "We'll discuss this sometime tomorrow night, Alucard. I have a lot of work to do." She looked down irritably at the screwed up signature on the orphan lease that she was supposed to send down to Oxford tomorrow.

"Yes, Master," Alucard grumbled while he was halfway through with melting away into the shadows.

To Be Continued…

A/N: Ooh! I think we're on to something now! Next chapter, Drake "accidentally" shoots his first gun, Alucard looks like he's a ticking time bomb ready to explode any minute, and Integra drinks some tea.


	3. Chases and Decapitations

A/N: Thanks to my reviewers! Here's chapter three!

For disclaimer, please read chapter one.

"**_Damn you, Alu-card!_**"

Followed by the scream of Sir Integra, a red clad vampire was pushed out of her office and over the railings to plummet through the ground and back into his basement laughing crazily as this all took place.

Integra huffed angrily, slammed the door to her office, and locked it tightly before returning to her work. She had been up all night long, yet she hadn't felt the full sting of tiredness nor the taste of her Jasmine Tea. Which meant she would be extremely cranky till she fell asleep or until Walter would bring her daily tea. Alucard, being the git that he was, had just got over the fact that Drake could order him around and tried to offer her blood again with a good morning (or to him, a good night) kiss.

Integra massaged her throbbing temples with her forefingers, mumbling just underneath her breath about the day being ruined by perverted, child-like vampires.

After the heavy thump of his body hitting the ground in the basement, Alucard levitated back up through the rooms that he had passed and decided on paying Integra's new ward a visit. '_He should get used to the fact that I'll be his alarm clock if he's to be my Master_,' he thought with a grin managing to escape upon his lips.

After passing through three levels of the Hellsing manor, he came upon Integra's room, only to find that there was no occupant in the bed. "Damn, Integra must've woken him up earlier than I had expected," Alucard muttered, but after hearing a slam of a drawer, he whirled around to see the black haired boy staring at Integra's Beretta with wonder and curiosity.

"Boy, don't you know you shouldn't touch things that don't belong to you?" Alucard snapped, while attempting to pull the gun out of Drake's hands, but the boy had dove to the ground and leveled the weapon to the vampire's chest.

"Bang, bang!" Drake shouted before running past him and out of the room.

The vampire rolled his eyes and took off after him, "Come back here, Boy!"

Drake seemed to be experienced at running from vampires, because every time Alucard would pass through a wall, he would turn a corner or when Alucard floated up from underneath him to grab his feet, he would jump onto his head and land back onto the ground with a roll.

After fifteen minutes of this, Alucard was running out of energy and Drake had tried to open a door, but found it was locked.

"I…" gasps for breath and a clutch at his chest, "finally…" another huff of breath and a pant, "caught…" Alucard leaned over with his hands on his knees, "you…" He straightened up quickly, his black hair moved over onto the right side of his head and wore a triumphant smirk.

Though, Drake didn't seem to have heard him at all; he tried to open the door in front of him again, "Hey, Mr.? Why won't this door open?"

"Why won't this door open?" Alucard mimicked with a high pitched voice, "If a door is locked, that means someone obviously doesn't want you to be in it!"

Drake ignored him and pounded on the door, "**_Open up, door!_**"

"That doesn't work, trust me, I've tried it," Alucard said foully, placing his hands onto his hips and leaning against the door Drake was fruitlessly yelling at.

He gaped at Alucard, "Do you know what's in here?" Excitement flooded into Drake's bright eyes and a mischievous smile filled his face.

Alucard smirked, "Of course I know what's in here!"

"Can you tell me?" Drake asked.

"…Hmm, no," the smug vampire answered.

"Oh please, please, please! Please tell me, Mr. Alucard!" The boy gave him a pleading look.

"That won't work on me and where the hell did you get Mr. from?" Alucard demanded.

Drake's curiosity in the door was fading fast from the wonderful work of short attention spans, so he simply spun away from Alucard and started amusing himself by sliding down the stairs of the Hellsing manor.

Alucard's eye twitched before he roared, "I was talking to you!" At that exact moment, the door that Drake had found ended up being Integra's office door and knocked Alucard once more over the railings and into his basement.

Integra looked livid and started shouting different curse words that would best be unnamed.

Slowly, Integra's eyes sunk down to the black haired boy who just stood up and started running back up the stairs and then slid back down them again on his rump until he came upon the next railing that blocked him from going any further. And then he'd repeat the whole process all over again.

A shiny glint caught her eyes and she noticed the gun in Drake's hand. Panic flooded through her, "Ah! Drake! Gun! Danger! Alucard!"

Upon the last word, Alucard emerged through the ground and mockingly bowed to Integra, "Your orders, my Master?"

Her eyebrow twitched, "Search and Destroy!"

A look of blood lust overflowed from Alucard's crimson eyes.

"The gun! Search and Destroy the gun!" Integra slammed her foot down angrily on the ground and pointed at the gun still in Drake's careless hands.

"Do you not think I've tried to get the gun away from him?" There was a slight thud, and Integra and Alucard looked over at Drake to see him fall down on the first step of the stairs. The gun loosened in his grasp, but his finger recoiled as a reaction to breaking his fall. The gun went off and the bullet whizzed through the air. It was only inches away from Integra's face, when Alucard disappeared and reappeared; blocking it from harming his master.

Alucard, now decapitated, collapsed in a bloody mess on the just clean tiles of the checkered floor.

Integra paled, but turned her attention back onto her crying ward, "I didn't…I mean…it was…an accident…?" Drake stuttered while tears threatened to spill from his eyes.

The grown woman was confused and simply did nothing, not knowing what a true mother would do. He took her silence as anger and the tears started pouring down his face, dropping the Beretta on the ground.

"Eh," Integra started, "its okay, Drake." She coughed slightly, looking around to see if they were alone, "Really, he's fine!" she knelt down beside the wailing child and pointed to the flinching body of her decapitated pet vampire.

"He's dead! I killed him! I'm a murderer!" he said in one deep breath, gasping for another as he continued, "I'm going to jail! I won't see you or Mr. Alucard ever, ever, ever, ever, ever," another gasp for air, "ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, again!" Drake rubbed furiously at his face and Integra was starting to believe that she and her ward were sitting/kneeling in a puddle of tears.

"No you won't," she assured, but then added as an afterthought, "If 'Mr. Alucard' was human, all that you said would probably be true, but since he's a vampire…" She drifted off.

That moment, Drake's thought's of Mr. Alucard being a superman type character disappeared and were replaced with a devil wearing red spandex, a tail, and was armed with a pitch fork.

He screamed and tried to scramble away, but only slid on the floor account of Integra grasping firmly onto his shirt, "Drake! Calm down!"

"V-vampire!" Drake screamed again.

There was hysterical laughter and then a sucking noise coming from behind Integra, so Drake looked past her to see Mr. Alucard's body releasing a black substance from his neck and forming a blob.

Integra sighed, "See, Drake? Aluc…" she trailed off as she looked down at her now empty hands and heard a door slamming somewhere in the manor. "Good job, Alucard," she moaned sarcastically while her chuckling vampire helped her off of the ground, now with his head regenerated.

"Yes, wasn't it?" He grinned a toothy smile as Integra slapped away his hands once she was back on her feet and headed back into her office. "This might sound like I'm plotting something, Master, but let me assure you. I am not," Alucard's crimson orbs watched his Master seat herself in her chair and look over some paperwork, "Your orders?"

Integra took out a pen and straightened her glasses before responding, "You are to convince your future master that you are not a threat of any sort to him." She went on with her work, acting as if Alucard wasn't even there.

"That's no fun," he grumbled and pulled out a pair of yellow sunglasses and his red hat from within his red duster.

Out of the corner of Integra's eye, she saw her servant walk though the wall. After several minutes of work, Alucard returned with a black eye, his red coat in shreds at the tail, and one of his fangs missing. She almost screamed when Alucard fell down on her desk, onto her lap, and then cowered under her desk.

"Alucard! Explain yourself!" Integra shrieked while scrambling out of her chair and lowering herself to her servant's eye level.

She watched with interest when Alucard took out the Jackal and shot himself repeatedly in different areas of his body then proceeded to cower under her desk, "Your brat ordered me to kill myself! Do something!" he yelled back after punching himself and spitting out his other fang.

Integra almost laughed, "Oh, he's good! I never thought of ordering you that!" Alucard scowled angrily at her after banging his head on the ground, "Okay, okay! Alucard! Your order is to…eh…not kill yourself!"

Alucard sighed with blissful delight and regenerated all of his wounds quicker than a blink of her eye.

"Perhaps I should go talk to him," Integra mumbled while reseating herself in her chair, "But first! Tea!"

The Hellsing phone line consisted of four main phone numbers on speed dial. The first was to the Queen herself, the next was to the Order of Religious Knights, after that was to her troop barracks and after that was to Walter's room. Pressing the number to Walter's room, she heard her butler answer with a dull, "Yes, Sir Integra?"

"Walter, if you'd kindly bring up some tea? That would really work wonders for me on such an eventful morning," Integra found herself rubbing her throbbing temples and noticed she's been doing this rather a lot lately.

A/N: Eh…I lied; Integra doesn't get to drink any tea. Sorry, Integra, but maybe next chapter! Please review!


	4. Bondage and Walk Ins

A/N: Hello everyone! I'm sorry this has taken me so long to update, but I promise that I'm going to do so more often! Thanks for all the reviews! C is for Cookie, so you all get a cookie! Hehe…

For the Disclaimer, please read chapter one!

Integra glowered across her desk at the newly healed Alucard, her eye twitched once or twice in annoyance. Her pet vampire was sprawled across the floor making movements with his arms and legs and was smiling happily.

"You're in a happy mood…explain," she demanded almost fifteen minutes later.

Alucard ignored her for a couple more minutes before replying, "Seras and her stupid boyfriend are gone!"

Integra nodded, "And why is this something to be happy about?" She went on, taking a lazy sip of her tea after words.

"Because she said she'd buy some bondage clothing for me," he replied innocently. Integra almost choked on her tea.

"What the hell do you want that for?" she screamed out, spilling some of her drink when she slammed her hands on her desk.

Alucard grinned and gracefully got off of the ground and leaned on her desk in a very seductive manner, a low purr coming from his throat, "For you, my Master."

A red tinge crossed Integra's cheeks and she lowered her head so low that she was practically under her desk shivering, "M-me?"

The vampire's seductive manners disappeared with a bored one, "Nah, it's for your brat." He leaned over her desk to look down at her, but her head shot straight up and almost collided with his.

"You will not rape my child, Bon…Err…Aludage…Ahh! Alucard!" Integra glared at him, her blush still present on her cheeks.

Alucard sweat dropped, "No…I was thinking along the lines of tying him up and throwing him down in the dungeons for twenty years or so."

"You can't do that either!" Integra shouted angrily.

"Can I Search and Destroy him?"

"No!"

Alucard put a thoughtful finger on his chin, "Can I drain him of his blood and then make him dog shit, pardon my language, my Master."

"No! And none taken, my Servant," Integra grinned.

"Whatever can I do now? Now that I have made my childe by the bondage…what could I use it for…?" Alucard also grinned.

Integra leaned closer to his chest, "I don't know…what size you ordered it for?"

Alucard also leaned forward and nuzzled Integra's neck, "I could always call the Police Girl and make it for an adult female size…"

Integra fiddled around with his jacket, pulling out the Jackal and examining it, "I don't know…I thought you could call the Police Girl and make it an adult male size…"

He growled pensively, "Anything that would make my Master happy…"

Outside of Integra's office, Drake loitered around, thinking of his mother's vampire agent and why she had one in the first place. 'Lady is in love!' was the first conclusion in Drake's wonderful, innocent mind.

A giggle and insane laughter broke Drake's thoughts of Lady and Mr. Alucard in love. Being the curious four year old that he was, he leaned up against a door that lead to the source of the noise and heard another giggle and then a growl followed by a rustle of clothing.

His tiny hand latched onto the door and slowly turned the knob and peered inside, only to see Lady and Mr. Alucard in an awkward position on her desk and Mr. Alucard in something that resembled a Speedo and a bra wrapped around his head.

All he saw of Lady was a red duster draped across her body.

Drake's mouth slowly opened, as if he wanted to say something, but decided not to and walked away with a twitch of his eye and promise of very disturbing dreams in the night.

Integra looked up at Alucard, who looked down at her, "Do you think he saw anything, or worse, do you think he knows what we were…"

Alucard shook his shaggy mane of black hair, "No way, he's a stupid little kid. It's not like they teach sexual education in an orphanage, though, in my time, we learned everything by the time we were twelve."

"Really?" Integra asked with interest.

"Yep," Alucard nodded proudly, "But…I could teach you some of my vampire education..."

"Teach me then, Teacher," she responded.

He grinned sheepishly, "Pay close attention then."

A/N: (Wide eyed) Very, very, very OOC! Short chapter too! Please review!


	5. Beddy, Beddy, Beddy Time!

A/N: Sorry about this chapter taking so long, but with school and all…plus, I just had a birthday. So you could say I've been super busy. (I'll update faster if any of you can guess my age).

For the disclaimer, please read chapter one.

Thanks for all the reviews, guys! I love them!

"You tricked me, you foul, loathsome damned creature!"

"Admit it, you loved it."

"No! I refuse to accept this! I could never have…have…well…YOU KNOW WHAT!"

"No…tell me, Master!"

"Will you leave me be?"

"No."

"…Must I command you to?"

"…Maybe…"

"…Alucard."

"I'm thinking about it."

"DAMN IT, ALUCARD! LEAVE ME BE! AND THAT'S AN ORDER!"

Alucard slowly sunk through the tiled floors of the Hellsing manor just when Integra thrown her tea. "Damn him," she muttered before sulking over the loss of her tea. Drake was in bed (thanks to Walter's supreme story telling), Alucard had just left to do whatever he did when no one was around, Seras and Pip were somewhere in Brazil (they might still buy bondage for Alucard), and Integra had the rest of the night off.

Life was perfect and would remain perfect until the next five minutes passed and it would be time for her bed time.

Five minutes. Still, that was pretty darn good for a vampire hunter!

She sighed, stiffening in a tearful sob. Tomorrow would probably go better then today had, since she would give Drake a tour of the house, the grounds, and start teaching him his new job as heir of Hellsing. But that was tomorrow and now she had only four minutes.

Though, her mind still wondered on about the day. Had she really been so desperate to…flirt…with Alucard? Was being the Virgin of Steel too much of a job to uphold? WHAT HAD HAPPENED? Was she going to get pregnant? Can vampires even reproduce? Will Seras be pregnant? What about Drake? Can Drake handle Hellsing by himself? Or if she is pregnant and does have a child, will he/she help him out too? What about Iscariot? Will they still be assholes? Will Alucard and Anderson still be fighting, cutting/shooting each others heads off, and having tea parties? What will happen to her? Did Alucard use a mind trick on her to get her into having…you…know…what…with him? Will he do it again to get her to become the No Life Queen?

Integra gave a frustrated scream. Two minutes left!

"NO MORE THINKING! RELAX! Drink tea…Yes…tea…" She calmly walked into the kitchen and reached for the pot of tea, pouring herself some more. Then, when she made sure that the halls were quiet and nobody was around, she quickly opened up a cupboard and pulled out some alcoholic beverage, adding that in to her cup of tea. She gave a small cackle and returned to her seat at the dining room table.

Only one minute left. Could she drink her tea in that small amount of time?

Instantly, she was chugging it down, faster than Alucard could snort pixie sticks. Only twenty seconds remained! And only half of the tea filled cup remained! Then suddenly, her watch went off on a repeated beeping session, the time eleven o' clock flashing.

"DAMN!" Integra spat and moments later, Alucard had reappeared by her side with a feral grin.

"Night, night time for Master! Time for beddy, by!" He teased sincerely in an innocent manor while sweeping Integra out of her chair and into her arms.

She didn't struggle. Since her first meeting with Alucard, when she had free nights like this one, he made a habit out of making sure she went to bed at all costs. And at all costs, he meant, at all costs.

FLASH BACK!

"SITUATION A! SITUATION A! RESTRICTION SYSTEM SET TO LEVEL FIVE…FOUR…THREE, TWO, ONE! CROMWELL RELEASE IS IN AFFECT! TARGET HAS BEEN SPOTTED AND WILL BE SILENCED BY GOING TO BED!"

"Fuck you!"

"SITUATION A PLUS! FOUL LANGUAGE FROM A LADY WILL **NOT** BE TOLERATED BY HELLSING! PREPARE TO BE TRANSPORTED TO BED INSTANTLY WITH NO TEA!"

"What?"

"DO NOT QUESTION YOUR AUTHORATOR!"

"I am your master! I command you to put me down!"

"REQUEST IS DENIED!"

"That wasn't a request!"

"SPEAK ENGLISH, I CANNOT UNDERSTAND YOU!"

"ARGHH!"

END FLASH BACK!

"Beddy, beddy, beddy, by!" Alucard sang cheerfully while holding a very gloomy Integra. Quickly, he skipped up the stairs and opened up her door to her room to find Drake fast asleep on her bed.

Alucard's eye twitched twice and his jaw hung open. Integra easily slid out of his arms and crawled in bed with her new ward, "Looks like you won't be sleeping with me tonight, Alucard!" She fell asleep once her head touched her pillow with Drake cuddling closer to her.

He left without saying a word to his sleeping master and floated down to the lower levels of the Hellsing manor. Once he calmly walked down a dark hallway, turned a few corners, went down another dark hallway, fell through a trap door, and landed into his chair, he burst out crying bloody tears.

"THAT DAMN KID HAS TO DIE!"

To Be Continued…

Next Time: Alucard plots Drakes death, Integra learns from her doctor that she has an obsession with tea, Seras and Pip come back with a present, Walter actually gets two lines, and Drake hangs out with the big kids at the park. God have mercy on us all…


	6. Catholics and Getting Things Straight

A/N: I know it's been a super long time since I last updated, but I haven't given up on you guys! I've just been updating my other story, Ich Will, and focusing on my very important school grades!

For the disclaimer, please read chapter one!

In spite of not having anything to sign or to kill the previous night, Integra was absolutely floored with paperwork. Killing things was fine with her, but paperwork was what worried her.

A certain red marking on one of her letters caught her eye over the tower of paperwork and she grasped quickly, gritting her teeth together tightly and screaming a very common curse word that shook the very house.

"**BASTARDS!"**

Down three floors below Integra's office, Alucard suddenly awoke, snorted, propelled himself forward, and hit the lid of his coffin. He decided it would be best to not trouble his master and to just fall back to sleep.

Walter was humming a cheerful tune and sipping his morning tea whilst looking at the daily newspaper when Integra's curse startled him.

Drake was happily jumping up and down on Integra's bedroom singing, "Five monkeys jumping on Lady's Bed! One fell off and bumped his head!" Before he coincidentally fell off when the house shook and bumped his own head.

Seras and Pip sighed happily; glad to be back home from Paris when the house shook. Pip side stepped over and "accidentally" groped Seras, receiving a very painful smack. The next minute, a cursing Walter with a big wet spot in front of his pants ran up the stairs and disappeared into Sir Integra's office.

Seras and Pip sighed before saying, "It's good to be back."

Later…

In the Afternoon…

About Tea Time…

"ISCARIOT! THOSE DAMN CATHOLICS!"

(It's always about Iscariot these days…)

Walter had a fresh change of pants on and was calmly listening to Integra's rambling, "WHY ON EARTH ARE THEY ASKING ME FOR PERMISSION TO COME INTO ENGLAND? THEY'LL DO COME HERE WHETHER I WANT THEM TO OR NOT! AND I DON'T WANT THEM HERE AT ALL!"

Her butler cleared his throat before asking, "Why do they want to come here, Sir Integra?"

Integra fell silent, "I haven't read the rest of the letter…"

Walter kindly grabbed the letter, cleared his throat once more and read out loud,

"_Dear Lady Integra,_

_We find it highly appropriate to ask of you a simple favor and those is for my leagues and myself to journey into England and have a simple vacation with my daughter. We thought it best if someone such as yourself, who knows everything there is to know about England, to be kind enough as to give us a grand tour of all the attractions. I request a simple reply of yes or no, either way; we'll still come and bug the hell out of you._

_Your Lover, err, Friend,_

_Enrico Judith Eliza Ross Tempus Mark Luke John Maxwell_

_Or_

_Honey_

_Or_

_Sweet Heart_

_Or_

_Kitten_

_Or…"_

"AH HA! I KNEW THEY'D COME ANYWAYS AND---WHAAA?" Integra snatched away the letter and read and reread it several times before screaming once more, "ENRICO HAS A DAUGHTER?"

"What a coinkydink," Walter murmured.

Integra continued to shout and scream when Drake walked in. The room went quiet and Walter gazed at the teary eyed boy, "Something wrong, Lord Drake?"

The woman brushed past Walter and gripped the boy tightly, "Walter, call Dr…whichadigit…don't know his name any more! AHHH! The world is coming to an end!"

Drake tugged gently at Integra's sleeve and she returned her attention to him, "I hit my head…"

Walter was already dialing for the doctor when Alucard phased through the floors with a wide grin, "And what were you doing to get hit?"

Drake hesitated before whispering, "Lady's bed did it…"

Integra's eyes widened, "Alucard…"

Alucard's grin grew.

"Alucard…"

Alucard, slightly confused, moved closer to his master.

"Alucard…"

Alucard, more paranoid, tapped his foot impatiently.

"…Al…u…card…" Integra giggled slightly, pronouncing his name slowly, before snapping out of her doze and screaming random things.

The most clear of her screams was, "SEARCH AND DESTORY! SEARCH AND DESTROY!"

Alucard stared questioningly at Walter, who smiled grimly, "I spiked her tea…she should fall asleep in just about…five…four…three…two…"

Suddenly, Integra dropped to the floor. Drake became alarmed and started shouting incoherent words, before running into Alucard before he too passed out.

"That was…odd…why'd you spike Master's tea?" Alucard questioned.

"I figured she needs it to get some sleep," Walter replied.

"Why?"

Walter coughed slightly, "Drake kept her up for the first hour by repeatedly saying he has to go potty when he really didn't then said he saw dead people, and then he started drooling and acting like the swamp thing…"

Alucard glared daggers at the boy who stirred slightly.

"Shall I continue to call Dr. Trevaltie?"

"No, let's watch the little brat die in a slow…painful…agonizing…death," Alucard grinned and poked Drake with his gun.

Walter called immediately for the doctors when the door burst open and three men stepped in.

"I am Dr. Seward!" chirped one man.

"I am Dr. Van Helsing!" chirped the middle.

"And I am Dr. Trevaltie!" The last one shouted.

They broke out in dance and a short song, before Alucard shot Drs'. Abraham Van Helsing and Seward.

"What was that for?" Walter cried out, "I paid them to do that!"

"Yeah, well, it's close enough to revenge as I'm gonna get!" Alucard snapped back.

Dr. Trevaltie looked slightly pale, but other than that, unfazed by the vampire's actions, "Okay, who's the patient?"

Walter pointed to Drake.

"Ah…well apparently Sir Integra has an obsession with tea and will die of cancer in two months," Dr. Trevaltie declared.

"That's unexpected, but the butler meant the little boy not my…" Dr. Trevaltie's words hit Alucard like stupid kid playing on a rail road, "WHAT? MASTER HAS AN OBSESSION WITH TEA?"

"WHAT? SIR INTEGRA HAS CANCER?" Walter screamed, pushing Alucard away.

"I believe so," Dr. Trevaltie sniffed and pulled out a hankie, "I will mourn for her loss! She was such a good kid, actually, she was a bitch her whole life but…" he stared nervously at the gun aimed directly at him, "she'll always be my favorite patient?" the Jackal slowly lowered.

Drake had just woken up and yawned.

Walter sniffed, "Can…can you please check Lord Drake out?"

Dr. Trevaltie smiled, "Sure! Oh sure!"

He yanked Drake forward by the hair and started digging through his hair, pulling out a bug and eating it. Finally, he found a certain area on the kid's head and looked up, "He fell off the bed by singing, "Five monkey's jumping up on Lady's bed, one fell off and bumped his head."

"How do you know that?" Walter asked.

"All kids do it…" Dr. Trevaltie narrowed his eyes and looked around anxiously.

Alucard sighed before slapping himself.

"Well, I must be off! People to see, things to kill, you know!" Dr. Trevaltie stepped up to Sir Integra's desk before dropping a knife, "I'll leave this here so that she can have her very own suicidal weapon!"

He left the room hastily. Alucard waited a few minutes before grabbing the knife off of Integra's desk and throwing it out the window. He grinned when moments later a male scream pierced the air.

"You are just full of hatred today, aren't you?" Walter stated.

"Yep," Alucard scooped Integra into his arms and left Walter to attend to Drake.

He happily hummed to the dozing woman in his arms, even though she was dieing of cancer.

"Oh yes, you'll be mine won't you my pretty?" Alucard chuckled happily before noticing Seras and the dim witted human running up the stairs.

"Master! What's wrong with Sir Integra?" Seras squeaked.

"Master! What's wrong with Sir Integra?" Alucard imitated in a girlish voice, "NOTHING! LEAVE ME BE!" He attempted to phase through a wall, but ended up dropping Integra. "Damn humans." He muttered before picking her up, jumping over the railing and running away.

"Ze vampire is bloody paranoid," Pip mumbled.

"Shh! He can read your thoughts!" Seras hissed.

The next second, "I'LL KILL YOU WHEN YOU DREAM TONIGHT YOU FRENCH BASTARD!"

Pip went wide eyed and Seras became aware of the fact that he soiled himself.

It was quiet…too quiet.

Integra opened one of her dark blue eyes to see nothing but darkness. Below her was something soft and fuzzy, making her groan. "Stupid vampire," she muttered before falling back to sleep, grasping whatever the soft thing was.

Drake, with a band aid of his head for whatever reason is unknown to the author, was seated in Hellsing's kitchen, eating Cheerios and watching the tele when Alucard's familiars gathered together in a corner. But the child paid them no mind.

He swore silently and turned off the tele, receiving a cry from the boy.

"Now that I have your attention," Alucard started off, seating himself across from Drake, "let's get something clear!"

Drake moved his bowl towards the vampire, "Cheerio? They lower you chocolate!"

"That's cholesterol, you dummy!" Alucard snapped, "And I don't eat human food."

Drake scowled and grabbed back his bowl of cereal almost possessively.

"I don't like you, and you don't like me, right?" Alucard said, folding his hands neatly over the other.

"I like you, Mr. Alucard," Drake stated.

"I don't care! SHUT UP AND LET ME FINISH!" Alucard slammed his hands down on the table in a very Integra like way. Drake sat in silence.

"Alright, you think that you can have "Lady" all to yourself, don't you? But didn't the police teach you it was nice to share!" he screamed.

"Uh, no," Drake shook his head. "What are you talking about?"

"But she is mine!" he went on,"And I will have her by the end of two months, you spoiled brat! In the mean time, I will let you enjoy her presence and I'll accept the fact that she has adopted you as her ward and heir to Hellsing, but you cannot touch her! NO TOUCHY!"

Drake was very confused, but he still listened.

"And you may not call her "Mommy" or whatever you human turds call their mothers! She is not your biological parent and never will be! So "Lady" and "Sir Integra" is fine! AND DON'T CALL HER TEGRA OR TEGGY! I WILL MURDER YOU IF YOU DO! And Master is my nickname for her, so it's off limits for you! Do I make myself clear?"

Drake nodded.

"Great! Now that we have resolved that, we can now solve the rest of our problems by acts of violence!" Alucard disappeared leaving behind a very, very, scared Drake.

Seras was walking through the dungeons of Hellsing when she noticed the door to Alucard's room left ajar. She curiously went into the room and saw his coffin in the middle of the room with his chair and table behind it.

"I've always wondered what Master's coffin looks like from the inside," Seras said aloud. She smiled and opened up the coffin.

Her smile slowly disappeared when she saw Sir Integra in a night shirt and boxers clinging to a teddy bear that had one eye missing.

"S-SIR INTEGRA!" She screamed.

Immediately, Integra woke up. The frightened vampire backed away, covering her eyes hastily, "I-I NEVER SAW ANYTHING! I SWEAR!" She was gone before Integra could blink.

"What's her problem?" Integra asked to no one.

Alucard appeared beside her, "I don't know. The Police Girl has many, many problems."

The two exchanged looks before Alucard stated, "Oh, so you found Winnie?"

"Winnie?" Integra asked, before noticing the teddy bear she clung to, "Oh? This old thing?"

Alucard practically screamed, "Winnie isn't an old "thing"!" He grabbed it and hissed.

Integra rolled her eyes, "Right…why am I in your coffin, servant?"

Alucard seated himself beside her in his coffin, getting comfortable, "Dr. Trevaltie says you have an obsession with tea and you're going to die of cancer in two months."

Integra grew pale and almost fainted.

"So I'm going to make your last days the best ones in your life! See, my last days were miserable and I had to put up with Turkish scum invading my territory and the last thing I saw was a stupid assassinator who killed my beloved Elisabetha," Alucard feigned a sob.

"That's…lovely," Integra whispered.

"You look pale, my dear? Is something the matter?" Alucard asked nicely.

"Alucard, I'm going to die and you're acting as if…oh…wait…that's exactly how you're acting…" Integra thought for a moment, before saying, "You're happy that I'm dieing!"

"Not exactly happy…I wanted to wait a few years before turning you, but I suppose it can't be helped," he sighed.

Integra grabbed him, slapped him, and screamed, "I REFUSE TO BECOME A VAMPIRE!"

"I love it when you're abusive, Master," Alucard inhaled her scent briefly before releasing a sigh.

She screamed out her frustration and left Alucard and Winnie to return to her office.

"Yes, you love her too, don't you Winnie? It's okay…she'll be ours soon enough…" Alucard stroked Winnie gently, a Cheshire grin spreading across his face.

To Be Continued…

Next time: Alucard has a fight with Winnie, Drake FINALLY gets to be told about what the Hellsing business is, and Walter finally trades off a tissue for an episode preview. Thank you very much, Walter!

Walter: YOU STOLE MY TISSUE! AND THAT WASN'T AN EPISODE PREVIEW!


End file.
